Actually what inspired me to write this post is a marriage. A friend of my fiancee has also got married some days back. She has two sisters and parents in family. Both of her sisters got married long ago. After the marriage day, we gave surprise to her parents [who are all alone now cause all 3 girls are married now] by visiting them at 11pm!! I was in shock when we entered the house. The walls looked lifeless. Rooms looked empty. So lifeless everything looked around. Her parents were wearing a fake smile. Why? well, cause they are all alone now. 3 girls, all got married. At the evening of their life, they have no one with them around them, to call their own. That shocked me from inside.Why, why such tradition is there? can't a girl can choose to stay with her parents , and get married, both at the same time?? Parents, who nurtured their sweet little daughters, just to leave them after 22-23 years? !! 'why only one person can left home? Can't others come with her??
I know what you mean Darshit!
ReplyDeleteIt's difficult to see these situations.
I think one way to help is to visit when you can, and try to organize outings and activities here and there. Going to the park, or meeting for chai or seeing a movie, things like that.
Thanks for writing about this on your blog.
That's so sad! :(
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story - it makes me want to go visit my parents...
Darshit - this happens in India coz there is the general prejudice about sons in law not wanting to be a "Ghar Jamai" which they will be labelled if they stay with their parents in law. I guess 90% of it has to do with the ancient indian tradition that girls belong to some one else (paraya dhan) and by the same token bahu ghar ki lakshmi hoti hai etc etc. Those days this was possible coz people had loads of kids. These days Indian families are smaller in size and people stick to a 2 kid policy even if they are girls. I guess Indian society and social attitudes need to change. BTW, all the above traditional things are still reinforced by the saas bahu serials and some hindi movies too (Barjatya's - r u listening?)
ReplyDeleteA touching post Darshit. I hope you and your wife will continue to keep a constant touch with your in laws.
Wish u a very happy married life.
A small but hard hitting writeup.....
ReplyDeleteAnd the same applies to those whose children chose to move to US,UK,Australia,Emirates for better future....
But i think thats life for you, one has to apart from dear ones...
I pray that the couple should again bring back magic in their life...
I am sure you wife and in laws will feel really proud of you....
Wishing you all happiness in life...
Cheers
Abhishek
Darshit, u gv voice to my thoughts :| bt our tredition is like.... wel...
ReplyDeleteGood thought .. it all boils to personal choice now .. if the parents r hell bent not to stay with their daughter, the daughter can atleast take a house near to them .. no guy would object to his wife caring fr her parents if she does d same to his too ... being nice and practical is the answer !
ReplyDeleteIt is very different over here. It is expected that when you grow up you leave the house (with or without getting married). Actually it is considered against the norm if you were to stay living at home well into your adult years. However, I think that if one wishes to stay at home with their parents that marriage shouldn't deter them (as long as both husband and wife want). I know that I wouldn't want to live with my mother forever (we did live with her for a year and it wasn't pleasant).
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with your wedding preparations. Do you have a very full week planned? I'll think of you on your wedding day and send happy wishes.
The reason i find for the tradition of Girl going to 'sasural' is I think the Girls are more Powerful than the boys. Yes. the girls have the courage to go to an unknown place. They have that courage to face all the pains in their lives which probably boys can not do.
ReplyDeleteGirls have that flexibility to adjust everywhere thats why our forefathers have made this tradition.
If you want to make your in laws happy, all you have to do is that become like a son...not 'Jamai'...this is the only way.
Good Luck with your wedding preparations Darshit..........xx
ReplyDeleteThank You all!! Thanks a lot for such thoughtful comments. I thought I can't write much besides movies and music, but seems everyone has liked. Thanks again, and yes, welcome to my blog - PS the Pratsie, Abhishek and Filmbuff.
ReplyDeleteThe situation demands such thoughts. I will definitely try my best to be my in-laws' family member. Not just 'Jamai'. Agree there with Filmbuff too. The serials and movies are reinforced.
Since the time is less, I can't respond to all comments individualy, sorry. But yes, Thanks a lot for the Wishes. Love you my blogger buddies
Congrats dude happy married life
ReplyDeleteFor 1st - I wish you happy married life!
ReplyDeleteFor 2nd - sometimes I just think in stupid way - maybe I'm lucky to be born in Poland?
All the best ;)
Thanks Bsnl Data Card
ReplyDeleteand
Louella for the wishes :)
Congrats for your wedding, Darshit! :)
ReplyDeleteThe tradition is there because we accept it and allow it to be part of our lives.
You think the way you do because your parents have taught you that.
Best wishes for future.
Thanks a lot Kanan . Yes, i know that its a tradition and nothing can be done. :( Thanks for the wishes.
ReplyDeleteDarshit-ji,
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your marriage! I completely understand the blog drought, been having one myself due to life/work getting in the way.
As far as the situation regarding the parents alone, on the bright side they may just enjoy their solitude, which I know is not really a big concept in India, but they could have happiness in that manner. On my trip to India last year, I saw some of what you say. A daughter who was back on visit for her brother in law's marriage, had to stay with he husband's family in their home with her husband, even though the home was chaotic and crowded with wedding preparation. She was ill at the time and couldn't go and stay in her own parent's home. She made no complaints, but I kept thinking having met her own mother, how she must really want to be with her at that time. I remember the person I was traveling with did not understand the joint family system and I told her perhaps even though staying with her own mother and father would have been much better, since she was now married she had to be in her husband's parent's home to help. It seemed there was even more pressure for her since they have been living in the USA, so while in India she really needed to turn on her daughter in law role; despite being ill, despite the fact that her mother in law wasn't the warmest person. I was sad to see she could not go home to stay in her much more comfortable and quieter house of origin during her short trip back. As usual, what's great about things is also what's bad, i.e., India has a close and directed social system for family structure, which offers support, but that same support can be viewed as pressure and responsibility that is not always parceled out in a fair manner.
All the best!
Sita-ji
Sorry Sitaji, for late reply. You know the reason.
ReplyDeleteThe case you've put is really shocking and sad. There are many such situations in lives of people around here. And the thing you have mentioned, 'they may just enjoy their solitude'. Agree on that. But back here in India, health is a concern. People here, age very early, and cant live 'healthy' life even after 55 or something. Reason may be atmosphere, or the lifestyle. So they require the support. But as you said, the support is viewed as pressure. I just wish ppl understand that and can make difference.